STFU, Rape Culture!

A word of warning: This blog discusses the various ways in which our culture excuses, normalizes, and sometimes condones rape, sexual assault, and other potentially graphic topics. Please be aware that posts may be upsetting or triggering.
Recent Tweets @

augustayc:

braiker:

Are you fucking kidding me? Did we all just wake up in 1938?

Really seriously flabbergasted and concerned about this.

This is terrifying and very important.

Would you like it in the vag or ass when I rape you?
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

a-man-n-progress:

rennskye:

misandry-mermaid:

At least now that I disabled Anonymous asks, your own face is attached to your pitiful hatemail.

image

And if you recognize this ugly mug, shoot me a name!

Thanks.

ETA: He’s been tracked down.

HIS NAME IS BRANDON BAYARD AND HE LIVES IN SUPERIOR, WISCONSIN.

Reblog the shit out of this so it shows up on every background search done by every guy trying to hire him ever.

REBLOGGING THIS ALWAYS, FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT

afrafemme:

A friend and I were out with our kids when another family’s two-year-old came up. She began hugging my friend’s 18-month-old, following her around and smiling at her. My friend’s little girl looked like she wasn’t so sure she liked this, and at that moment the other little girl’s mom came up and got down on her little girl’s level to talk to her.

“Honey, can you listen to me for a moment? I’m glad you’ve found a new friend, but you need to make sure to look at her face to see if she likes it when you hug her. And if she doesn’t like it, you need to give her space. Okay?”

Two years old, and already her mother was teaching her about consent.

My daughter Sally likes to color on herself with markers. I tell her it’s her body, so it’s her choice. Sometimes she writes her name, sometimes she draws flowers or patterns. The other day I heard her talking to her brother, a marker in her hand.

“Bobby, do you mind if I color on your leg?”

Bobby smiled and moved himself closer to his sister. She began drawing a pattern on his leg with a marker while he watched, fascinated. Later, she began coloring on the sole of his foot. After each stoke, he pulled his foot back, laughing. I looked over to see what was causing the commotion, and Sally turned to me.

“He doesn’t mind if I do this,” she explained, “he is only moving his foot because it tickles. He thinks its funny.” And she was right. Already Bobby had extended his foot to her again, smiling as he did so.

What I find really fascinating about these two anecdotes is that they both deal with the consent of children not yet old enough to communicate verbally. In both stories, the older child must read the consent of the younger child through nonverbal cues. And even then, consent is not this ambiguous thing that is difficult to understand.

Teaching consent is ongoing, but it starts when children are very young. It involves both teaching children to pay attention to and respect others’ consent (or lack thereof) and teaching children that they should expect their own bodies and their own space to be respected—even by their parents and other relatives.

And if children of two or four can be expected to read the nonverbal cues and expressions of children not yet old enough to talk in order to assess whether there is consent, what excuse do full grown adults have?

(via nombinary)

burned-beyond-saving:

"Rape Poem To End All Rape Poems" by Rutgers University

TW: discussion of rape culture

All these people saying that rape culture doesn’t exist makes me so very, very angry. Like I see it everywhere, tumblr, the media, ect. It makes me mad because I experience it myself, in real life. They ask for evidence, but your evidence is never enough.

I saw other people posting about their experiences on tumblr, and I just don’t understand how they can just gloss over all these examples.

They want examples? Fine.

When I was twelve, I was standing with my dog outside the pharmacy while waiting for my mom to do some shopping. It was late at night, so I stayed close to the store. A van pulled up infront of me, and the passenger’s side window rolled down. The guys in the car asked me for directions to a street I didn’t know. They asked me to come closer and didn’t want to wait for my mom to come out of the store. When she came out, I pointed her out and they took off. To this day, she doesn’t believe me, despite seeing the car and how shaken up I was on the way home when I realized what had happened.

I’d go to my boyfriend’s house sometimes when I was younger, sometimes when I wasn’t feeling so well. I used to feel safe there because my home wasn’t. I told him I was tired and unwell and didn’t want to, but he still forced his hands down my pants. I didn’t know it was rape because I was always told that it has to be penetrative to be rape. He made me feel small because he said ‘I only have a portion of his heart’  because he still loved other girls who never gave him a shot, and I thought he was the best I could get after being bullied by my peers all throughout my life.

He broke up with me because I was suffering from depression and ‘needed to sort out my issues’ and that I should call him when I had them sorted out. I told my mom, and she said he only touched me because I didn’t see him often and he deserved access to my body. She tried to make me go back to him and would trick me into picking up the phone when he called me to try and get me to talk to him. It took her a year to finally stop telling me to go back to him.

Now, that, unfortunately, isn’t the only personal example I have. I went to a DnD campaign with my brother, his girlfriend and two friends. We were campaigning in a public place, so I thought nothing of it. Mid-way through the session, I decide to be cheeky and roll to see if my Orc might be able to successfully flirt and engage in a consensual relationship with an NPC, as there was next to nothing going on. Emphasis on consensual.

Then, one of my brother’s friends chimed up. He asked to roll and see if his character could rape someone. Not find a willing partner. Rape. We told him no and not to say things like that. A few minutes later, he asked to roll to see if he could rape and eat an NPC who was about the size of an eight year old child. Again, we said no and asked him not to say things like that. Later on, he asked for mermaid jerky, and we said no. When he left for a break, I confronted them about why he was even there. They said that ‘he would stop if you ask him to’ and that ‘you get used to it’. I left after that.

I also have a problem with someone calling me. I have no idea who he is, but he spaces out his calls each year. He will call me and ask me the same sexual question once a year around the same time (early February). I have no idea who he is, but he knows my name. For four years, my mother scared me into not calling the police. This year, I called Bell and told them what was happening. They would do nothing because his number was private. I called the police and they would do nothing because his number was private. The officer was so concerned with my safety that she gave me her personal number to call in-case something happened.

My mom found out and she yelled at me. She refused to acknowledge that I was afraid, she refused to change the phone number because it ‘would be a hassle’. My dad didn’t even come out of the other room, he had no comments or consolation to add to the situation. They didn’t help me. They told me I was being irrational and that there is no way this stranger would ever hurt me, not because I was protected, but because strangers never hurt people. That it was okay for this to happen, because he only called every so often.

I got a knife. It is a pocket knife and it is legal in my country to carry. My brother saw it on my desk and took it away from me, holding it out of my reach. Not because he offered any sort of protection himself, but because he insisted that it was illegal and that I could get arrested for carrying it, despite it falling within every definition of legal in my country.

He knew why I was- and still am- scared and he still tried to take away my protection despite my valid reasons for carrying it. I told him that if the police couldn’t protect me, I wanted a tool to protect myself or to escape with. I wanted a knife on me to fend whoever this guy was off if he went beyond phone calls or to use to escape if someone got me. He only gave me my knife back when I told him that I would tell my mom that he’d skipped school.

This is rape culture, these are examples of how it affects people personally. These are examples of how it conditions mothers to excuse rapists and sexual predators, how it convinces mothers to deny what they see themselves and to call their daughters liars. Rape culture is why I have to carry a knife to feel safe when I leave my door, it is why I feel sick to my stomach when I answer the phone to a private number knowing that I have to because it might be someone else, it might be important.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
That "sex-positivity" text contains a logic flaw. Creating a situation where one -must- be consenting means that consent is not sincere, therefore everything beyond that point is a strawman. Not to mention that true sex-positivity is about accepting all kinds of healthy sexual behavior based on the person's individual desires - including the desire to not have sex. When someone insists on telling other people what their desires -should- be, they're, in fact, sex-negative.
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

Eh, I generally consider myself sex-positive. However, saying ‘true [insert concept here] means THIS and if you didn’t experience THIS then you don’t really understand [concept]’ is not a useful approach. Movements like sex positivity, or let’s say feminism, are important, but no movement should be so important that the concept of it means more than how people experience it. If someone tells me, feminism as a movement has hurt me because of x, y, z, I don’t say BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND FEMINISM, even though I am a feminist. We have to acknowledge that well intentioned movements are not always experienced positively, because they are composed of people who are capable of fucking up.

Sex positivity to you and I may very well mean, sex is always optional, and it’s okay if you never want to have it. But there are other people proclaiming themselves sex positive who are not so encouraging about never having sex. I guess what I’m saying is this very rambling fashion is that we need to be the sex positivity we want to see in the world, and we need to understand where people are coming from when they say, I’ve heard sex positive people say things that make me feel like I’m not normal.

There’s a very smart blogger I follow here, who has talked a lot about sex-positivity and how she’s experienced that in a very negative way, as a survivor. I will try to find some of her posts to reblog because she has really good points.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
This is the anon who submitted the disturbing video. I don't have many followers, and the ones I do have are mostly people I see day to day. I really would rather they not know my porn watching habits. Would you happen to be affiliated with a group that would be more help to me?
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

I do not. Anyone else?

[TW: Rape culture] This morning, as I swallowed my three blue pills of Sertraline and tried to forget about the nightmares that haunted my night, I finally admitted it to myself: I have lost my battle against this institution. Seven months after I reported what happened, my assailant still lives in my House. I am weeks behind in the three classes I’m taking. I have to take sleeping pills every night to fall and stay asleep, and I routinely get nightmares in which I am sexually assaulted in public. I cannot drink alcohol without starting to cry hysterically. I dropped my favorite extracurriculars because I cannot find the energy to drag myself out of bed. I do not care about my future anymore, because I don’t know who I am or what I care about or whether I will still be alive in a few years. I spend most of my time outside of class curled up in bed, crying, sleeping, or staring at the ceiling, occasionally wondering if I just heard my assailant’s voice in the staircase. Often, the cough syrup sitting in my drawer or the pavement several floors down from my window seem like reasonable options.

Dear Harvard: I am writing to let you know that I give up. I will be moving out of my House next semester, if only—quite literally—to save my life. You will no longer receive emails from me, asking for something to be done, pleading for someone to hear me, explaining how my grades are melting and how I have developed a mental illness as a result of your inaction. My assailant will remain unpunished, and life on this campus will continue its course as if nothing had happened. Today, Harvard, I am writing to let you know that you have won.

Dear Harvard: You Win

a survivor speaks out on the lack of support justice or empathy at Harvard University

Iread this as “for straight ants that want to look less threatening” and I’m like “what the fuck are ants doing on this website”
Espec the straight ones. Straight ants are the WORST.
Asker Anonymous Asks:
For the straight guy that ants to ook less threatening, it's mainly about bodylanguage to me. Just dont look agressive and forceful and the worst one is when men look at you in a way that makes us uncomfortable, like looking at you up and down, or like we're pieces of meat.
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

Whomever sent me a message that starts with, “Feminists on an ego trip…”

I have no idea what this is about?

cognitivedissonance:

plansfornigel:

sadurdaynight:

female-only:

plansfornigel:

and these are the men women are suppose to call when raped. what is this rape culture you speak of ?

this makes me so mad not every fucking cop is a rapist 

When Cops Rape … and Nothing Happens

“Police sexual misconduct is common, and anyone who maintains it isn’t doesn’t get it,” says retired Seattle police chief Norm Stamper, author of the book Breaking Rank. Since no one is investing resources in learning how many victims are out there, we’re left with estimates and news accounts. As part of a 2008 study, former police officer Tim Maher, a criminologist at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, asked 20 police chiefs whether police sexual misconduct was a problem; 18 responded in the affirmative. The 13 chiefs willing to offer estimates thought an average of 19 percent of cops were involved—if correct, that translates to more than 150,000 police officers nationwide. An informal effort by the Cato Institute in 2010 to track the number of police sexual-misconduct cases just in news stories counted 618 complaints nationwide that year, 354 of which involved forcible nonconsensual sexual activity like sexual assault or sexual battery.

Police Sergeant Doubled as Serial Rapist

It was nothing short of a nightmare — a man obsessively tracking women, sneaking into their homes, assaulting them, and forcing them to perform a bizarre “cleansing” ritual that washed away any hint of evidence from their bodies. Bloomington, Ill., Police Detective Clay Wheeler spent two years pursuing the first serial rapist in his town’s memory.

“I’ve seen more brutal things, more violent things, but some of the things that happened and what he would say and tell these girls as he’s assaulting them, and I mean, I get chills. It just disgusts me,” he said.

According to the 3rd Quarter Report of The National Police Misconduct Statistics and Reporting Project, police officers were accused of sexual assault at a rate of 79 per 100,000 law enforcement personal. The rate of accusations for the general public is 28.7 per 100,000 general public. When corrected for gender these numbers tell us that there are 1.5 times more accusations of sexual assualt among male law enforcement officers than among the general male population. The fact that rapists seem to be concentrated among a group of armed individuals who have the purported authority to detain and arrest other individuals should be more than a little alarming for even the most prolific police bootlicker. In just the last month, several stories of officers committing disgusting crimes have been in the news.

No one needs to come in and say “Not all cops….” on this post or others about police misconduct. That’s great. We ALL know not all cops do bad things, but the point here is that SOME DO and they seem more likely than the general male population to commit this particular kind of crime.

That’s like saying to a rape victim who’s wary around men after being raped by one, “Not ALL men are rapists, your attitude makes me so angry.” That person knows damn well not all men are rapists but isn’t taking the chance of being able to discern rapist from not-rapist — it’s not like they walk around with signs. Just like cops. You never know if you’re getting a rotten apple. Instead of accepting that most of them are good, maybe we should concentrate on getting rid of and preventing rotten ones from happening.

(via scooterpiebanana)

labrownrecluse:

strugglingtobeheard:

mimicryisnotmastery:

when someone chooses not to associate with someone because they see traits or characteristics they’ve seen in other toxic people, they’re protecting themselves; that’s how they survive.

Exactly

This. When ppl are like…

When researchers at the University of Toronto and the University of Washington observed young people’s behavior in bars, they found that the man’s aggressiveness didn’t match his level of intoxication. There was no relationship.

Instead, men targeted women who were intoxicated.