STFU, Rape Culture!

A word of warning: This blog discusses the various ways in which our culture excuses, normalizes, and sometimes condones rape, sexual assault, and other potentially graphic topics. Please be aware that posts may be upsetting or triggering.
Recent Tweets @STFURapeCulture


This is a big win for anti-rape activists, many of whom have been touting the necessity of an “affirmative consent” standard for years. California Gov. Jerry Brown (D) has the next month to sign the bill into law. If he does, schools across the state would be required to define consent before engaging in sexual activity as an “affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement” or risk losing state financial aid funding.

(via asfadedasmyjeans)


it’s pretty common for people discussing rape culture within feminist discourse to conveniently leave out disabled girls, but this is just a casual reminder that disabled women are far more likely to be sexually assaulted, abused or raped than able-bodied women. on top of that, 50% of deaf girls and 54% of deaf boys have been sexually abused or assaulted. so please stop leaving us out of your discussion about rape culture.

(via lightspeedsound)




This is great.

this needs to be criminalized everywhere. and upskirting/creeper shots. 


(via asfadedasmyjeans)

I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although it is a kind of rape of the spirit - a dishonest portrayal or distortion of my own desire in order to appease another person.
I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it - deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. That is such a messed-up way to live, such an awful way to love.
So these days, I say yes only when I mean yes. It does require some vigilance on my part to make sure I don’t just go on sexual automatic pilot and let people do whatever. It forces me to be really honest with myself and others. It makes me remember that loving myself is also about protecting myself and defending my own borders. I say yes to me.
Margaret Cho, “Yes Means Yes”  (via myrisingvoice)

(via so-treu)










IMPORTANT: So they had these cards in the women’s restrooms at this doctor’s office that I was at. I’m really happy that they put them in there because it makes it easier for a woman to escape an abusive relationship without the abuser expecting anything. It gives me hope when I see things like this.

Oh yes, because women are never abusers.

I never said that they can’t/ aren’t. I’m well aware that some women are. I was just trying to talk about a positive thing that I found in a restroom. Don’t turn my post into something that it’s not. God fucking damn it, it’s like you can’t talk about something positive on this site without someone trying to ruin it or twist the original posters words.

Thank you so much for the positive post, and the VERY true words at the asshole commenting on your post. This is the exact reason why I don’t like this website sometimes. Christ.

If you have to qualify Situation A with “but Situation B happens, too,” do you actually give a shit about Situation B? Or are you looking for ways to derail Situation A?


40% of domestic violence is experienced by men, do you suppose they also put these cards in the men’s restroom?

Wouldn’t seeing these cards in the restroom alert abusers that there were probably the same cards in the other gender restroom, possibly making them more violent and cutting off their partner even more from resources that could help them?

This seems ill thought out. Unless, of course, they are only in the women’s restroom. In which case they are ignoring 40% of domestic violence victims. I wonder why.

getting really tired of this 40% myth and how frequently everyone scrambles to believe it because they want to look reasonable and fair.

While some people may believe that there is a higher reported incidence of women experiencing violence by their male partners due to men underreporting when they are victims, the reality is the opposite. In 2008, 72 percent of the intimate partner violence against males and 49 percent of the intimate partner violence against females was reported to police.Catalano, Smith, Snyder, & Rand (2009). Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Female Victims of Domestic Violence. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, NCJ 228356.

Researcher Elspeth McInnes…  recounts some of her research that showed that when men talked about women’s violence against men, some cited abuse as not having a hot meal on the table, not having the children bathed before bed, or women spending money on gambling or shopping. At the more severe end of the spectrum, they nominated verbal and emotional violence as abuse. Then, a tiny minority documented physical abuse, and an even smaller minority named sexual abuse. 

“Women were talking about being run over, being drugged and raped at knifepoint, having their children dangled over high rise balconies till they did as they were told and of course you get verbal and emotional violence,” says McInnes. “When we were talking about physical violence against men, one of the worst examples was that she banged his head with the cupboard door – which isn’t good – but the sheer level of fear, harm and terror that women talked about was simply not present in what the men’s data showed.” 

The vast majority of domestic assaults are committed by men. Even when men are victimized, 10% are assaulted by another man. In contrast, only 2% of women who are victimized are assaulted by another woman.2

Two studies have found that at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence, (1, 2) in contrast to 10% of families in the general population.(3) A third study of older and more experienced officers found a rate of 24% (4), indicating that domestic violence is 2-4 times more common among police families than American families in general.

in conclusion while domestic abuse hotlines in men’s bathrooms would be great too, women are the majority of victims of violent, life-threatening domestic abuse by a lot more than 40%, and men are still the majority of perpetrators of violent, life threatening domestic abuse, even to other men and boys. this is not a remotely equivalent situation.

using abused men and boys to prop up the myth that women abuse men right back nearly as much is toxic, abhorrent nonsense. we need to cut it the fuck out. 

Thank god somebody debunked the 40% myth. 

(via scififreak35)




omfg reblogging till the end of time

(via lightspeedsound)

I recently finished this one, the companion to Flowers for a Ghost.

Anon asked:

My understanding is that “real” consent to sex involves being fully informed. If a partner lies to you about their # of partners, tells you they normally use condoms but then you find out they lied, tells you they’re single but are actually in a relationship, etc.- is it possible to really consent to sex with them? Because they’ve lied to you, so how could your consent be fully informed? And if you can’t properly consent because you’re not fully informed does that make it a form of sexual abuse?
Well, legally, very few places have these kind of rape by fraud/deception laws in place. And probably none of them would include the situations you’ve mentioned. What we ethically consider to be rape is a different matter… My personal thought would be that if a person wouldn’t choose to have sex with you if they knew the truth, then there’s a basis for calling it rape.

Story of my sister. DA in my county told us we didn’t have a case because we were past the “4 month statute of limitations for a minor” and my sister was drinking at the party she was raped at before she was “allegedly” drugged. Still, she’s a pretty awesome girl with a story to tell in hopes of helping other victims and educating her peers. 

STFURC: Very awesome!! :)

Anon said:

Recently I have been sexually assaulted myself, I was at a party and I was heavily intoxicated and a boy who I thought was a friend took advantage of my vulnerable situation and started to touch me in inappropriate places but I was unable to physically stop him, I told him to stop it it was hard because I was under the influence of alcohol. I’ve been upset since and i just need to talk to somebody who has been in a similar situation. I’m a 16 year old girl and I’m just searching for support/help

Anyone out there who can chat with anon?

Anon asked:

It’s been 3 years since I ended a relationship with the man who raped me. I’m now with an incredible guy and we’re planning our wedding, but I still can’t stop thinking of the other guy, who is still out there, possibly hurting other women. It kills me there will never be justice, and I wake up most days hurting and feeling sick over it. I can’t talk to my fiance about this, and I don’t think many people would understand, except maybe my therapist. Why can’t I just be happy in my new life?

Someone hurt you, and that someone was (I presume) a person you cared for and trusted. It’s no wonder you still think about it and it still hurts you. Good things happening doesn’t cancel out the bad things. Have you and your therapist discussed it before?

Anon said:

I’m sorry, I don’t know what trigger warnings to use for this, so I hope I don’t trigger you or anything. I just need to know what to call this, because I’m tired of being so confused about it and feeling so guilty because other people go through a lot worse than what happened to me. And if things in this message don’t really make a lot of sense, it’s because of my dissociation. Talking about this sets it off really badly, so I try and avoid talking about it. I was 15 and he was 18+. I was home alone one night and the door knocked at around 11pm. I was kinda scared, because it was unusual for our door to knock so late at night, so I just ignored it and hoped they would go away. Well anyway, he eventually just opened the front door and walked into my house. He was a (not very close) friend of my brother’s and had been one of my friends even, but I hadn’t seen him in years so it took me a while to recognize him. I was pretending to be asleep on the couch, and he sat down by my feet. He laid down next to me, practically on top of me, and then kept kissing me even though I didn’t want him to. I didn’t stop him or anything, I just froze, I was so shocked. At one point he put his hand over the front of my jeans but I quickly jumped away and said “No!” and he said “I wasn’t going to do anything”. He was definitely drunk, or off his head on drugs, or both, and I didn’t know what to do. For some reason I laid back down on the couch next to him and he kissed me again. I keep forgetting some bits, I remember him grabbing at me in the kitchen, but I do know that no clothes ever came off and he wasn’t violent or anything. Eventually I got him to leave by telling him that he should go, and he did. Afterwards, I went upstairs to my room and cried for hours. I just don’t know what to call this, and I always feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing. After all, I wasn’t raped or anything, and he didn’t hit me or hurt me. But I’ve never been able to forget it or let go of it, and I’ve only ever mentioned it to one person (a mental health worker) and I flipped out so bad that I was shaking and couldn’t focus on anything. I feel like I can’t even talk about it out loud, because it just triggers my dissociation and makes me feel horribly messed up. The same goes for whenever I hear his name really. I just need to know, what do I call what happened to me? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? I’m really sorry if this doesn’t make sense, but thank you for reading it anyway. You are a really wonderful person for running this blog and helping people the way you do, so thanks.

No, you aren’t making a big deal out of nothing. You were 15, and a man you didn’t know very well came into your house without permission and touched you when he thought you were unconscious. That’s sexual assault. It doesn’t have to be violent to be sexual assault!
Asker Anonymous Asks:
I keep seeing people saying not to watch Fox News and bring up how they report rape as the reason. But what about CNN and how they treated the Steubenville Rapists? Whining about those little monsters' "ruined careers" instead of calling them the names they deserve to be called. Why is no one saying "Don't let your kids watch CNN"? Seems to me that when it comes to rape, both liberal & conservative newspeople are morons.
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

Most mainstream media covers rape in crappy ways, but that’s not the only reason not to watch Fox News. Also ableist language is uncool.

Some people will say that it’s unfair to do that, to simply take the survivor’s word, to say things about people without due process. Well, due process is for the government, to limit their power to lock people up or take their property. You don’t owe people due process when you decide whether to be friends with them. You don’t have to have a hearing and invite them to bring a lawyer to decide whether to invite them to a party. And let’s be honest, most of us repeat things that one person we know did to another person we know based on nothing more than that one participant told us and we believe them. We do it all the time, it’s part of social interaction. So if you want to do something, take the label, plant it on the missing stair in your social circle, and make it stick.