STFU, Rape Culture!

A word of warning: This blog discusses the various ways in which our culture excuses, normalizes, and sometimes condones rape, sexual assault, and other potentially graphic topics. Please be aware that posts may be upsetting or triggering.
Recent Tweets @STFURapeCulture
One of the most radical things you can do is to actually believe women when they talk about their experiences.
You know what else it costs to write about and talk about consent? I’m going to be super real with y’all. It has cost me the vast majority of my relationships with men. Not all at once, but eventually, over time, one by one. It was one sexist joke too many, it was one boundary-crossing-creep-defender over the line. It was the constant microaggressions or the combination of being privileged and defensive about it and unable or unwilling to do any better. Most grew weary of arguing about feminist issues, or about the fact that I wouldn’t let them just win those arguments, even though they usually had no idea what they were talking about. They couldn’t deal with the fact that I won’t allow anyone to say disparaging shit to and about me and mine. Or they won’t or can’t do better after I explain how to do better many many times and finally I have to peace out on them for my own safety. I have at present a tiny handful of guy friends. One I get into arguments with nearly every time we talk. I fear that relationship may go the way of most of my past relationships with subtly sexist men—away, that is to say. Which is really too fucking bad. Because the truth is, I don’t hate men—I hate male privilege. I really like men, shit, I love them actually, some of them. I miss having men friends, but not enough to let the mild misogyny slide. I have got to take care of me and mine. That’s where we clash, because I refuse to just smooth things over, to just let things go. They’re accustomed to deference and I’ve taught myself to drop that habit as best I can.

allonswinz:

We need to spread awareness on this one so please reblog and feel free to add more helpful information to this post.

Thank you to the reader who sent me this info. This is truly horrifying. Please be careful when checking these links. Trigger warning for rape, child abuse, rape culture, etc.

nezua:

negresse-intensa:

theyoungradical:

theneighbourhoodsuperhero:

Omar Khadr, a sixteen year old Guantanamo Bay detainee weeps uncontrollably, clutching at his face and hair as he calls out for his mother to save him from his torment. “Ya Ummi, Ya Ummi (Oh Mother, Oh Mother),” he wails repeatedly, hauntingly with each breath he takes.

The surveillance tapes, released by Khadr’s defence, show him left alone in an interrogation room for a “break” after he tried complaining to CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) officers about his poor health due to insufficient medical attention. Ignoring his complaints and trying to get him to make false confessions, the officers get frustrated with the sixteen year old’s tears and tell him to get himself together by the time they come back from their break.

“You don’t care about me. Nobody cares about me,” he sobs to them.

The tapes show how the officers manipulated Khadr into thinking that they were helping him because they were also Canadian and how they taunted him with the prospect of home (Canada), (good) food, and familial reunion.

Khadr, a Canadian, was taken into US custody at the age of fifteen, tortured and refused medical attention because he wouldn’t attest to being a member of Al Qaeda, even though he was shot three times in the chest and had shrapnel embedded in his eyes and right shoulder. As a result, Khadr’s left eye is now permanently blind, the vision in his right eye is deteriorating, he develops severe pain in his right shoulder when the temperature drops, and he suffers from extreme nightmares.

He has been incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay since 2002, suffering extremely harsh interrogations and torture (methods), and is now 25 years old.

27 now, and still imprisoned

i’m in complete shock. i’m so nauseous right now. how is this possible? i don’t know what to do w/ this information. i share it because i can’t imagine that anyone else knows about this. the boy has been incarcerated, tortured, and basically maimed allll w/out a trial. my heart hurts :/

Empire.

Omar is no longer in Guantanamo. Left without options, he pled guilty to war crimes so that he’d be given an eight year sentence and be able to transfer to a prison in Canada. He remains in prison there. His story is absolutely heartbreaking. This was a 15 year old boy who has been described as crying out for his mother, who slept holding a Mickey Mouse book one of his captors gave him. A teenager taken from his family, tortured, humiliated, threatened with rape, and falsely imprisoned for 12 years now. You can help Omar by writing to him, donating for his defense, and signing petitions for him. Please visit http://freeomarakhadr.com to learn more.

(via feministingforchange)

feministingforchange:

feminism—theotherfword:

http://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2014/08/steubenville_teen_convicted_of.html
Steubenville teen convicted of rape rejoins high school football team

Goddamnit. I know everyone’s eyes are on Ferguson, MO right now, as are mine, but let’s not allow this news to pass by without voicing and sharing our fury.  This is sick, inappropriate, and appalling.  The football coach, athletic director, the principal—anyone who had anything to do with rewarding a (convicted) rapist by allowing him to rejoin high school athletics (a privilege, not a right) needs to be fired immediately.  

Anon said:

My girlfriend is very much into submissive stuff (which is a pickle, in and of itself, because I’m also sexually submissive), but I do mean things for her because she likes it. She’s also very into rape play and fantasies, and again, I’m not really into it, but she is and I want to make her happy, so I oblige. I just feel bad whenever I do these things, and I made a tumblr specifically to try and ask someone if this is contributing to rape culture or not.
 
I generally have the point of view that what fully consenting adults do in their sex lives is between them, and not for me to comment. I do think it only makes sense that the things that turn us on are influenced by the world we live in, so I think it’s not a jump to say living in a rape culture may influence us in our sex lives as well. What concerns me though is that you’re doing things you don’t want to do and that make you feel bad.
I know you want to please your partner, and I think it’s fine to trade off and do things the other person wants to sometimes even if you’re not that into them—but only if they’re things you feel okay about doing. I think if you feel bad about these things, you don’t need to feel obligated to do them for your partner. If she cares about you, she’ll understand that. Sex shouldn’t be something that makes you feel bad or wrong or hurts you.

predator-exposed:

Tumblr Predators/Abusers:

This is a list of people who used tumblr.com, and any other forms of social media to target victims both underage and above. I will try my best to keep this list updated with recent information . When possible, I will provide receipts, but not all entries on the list will include them and that is not a requirement for someone to be placed on this list.

  • catswithbenefits - Multiple people have came out about him sending them unsolicited nudes. He deleted his blog after being exposed. if you can locate receipts of this please submit them to me,
  • rlymax/commanderinqueef - Was driven from this website after over 80 underage people came forward saying that he harassed them for nudes. All proof of this can be find on his can be found here
  • hohokev - It is public knowledge that he has had sex with a 16 year old girl. A underage girl has come forward with receipts of him soliciting nudes from her at age 15, but has ask to stay anonymous out of fear. Any receipts we would be able to share would be appreciated.
  • gif, undefiningg - He has admitted to having child porn on his computer. Has harassed, solicited nudes from, and manipulated dozen of underage girls. Abused his ex girlfriend and  is a known racist and transphobe. both of these URLs are no longer in his possession
  • shavingryansprivates - Has a long history of soliciting underage girls for nudes. Proof can be found here. Has also sexually assaulted a minor who wishes to remain anonymous.
  • nikalos, now halo4 - History of being abusive and manipulative, and harassment. If you can link me to some of his official call outs or provide receipts it would be greatly appreciated.
  • unfollovving - Along with being cissexist, and misogynistic. Harassed and solicited nudes from dozens of people. call out posts here, here and here.
  • beefmilk2 now beefdad - Transphobic, history of being abusive. Call out post is here.
  • hotboyfriend, now asdwinhfiwaod - Has solicited nudes from underage girls. Any up to date information or receipts would be appreciated
  • thisismyveritas- Has not deleted but is currently hiding behind the url “ithinkitstimeforchang”. He has a history of harassing and sending unsolicited nudes to minors. Girls have come forward herehere, and here.
  • bear - User deleted after getting exposed, and url is now in the possession of someone else. This user has manipulated and forced girls into sexual actions, including minors. Here is a post outing him.
  • edwrad - Extremely abusive, and manipulative. Has been in multiple abusive relationships with underage girls. Any receipts would be appreciated.
  • kushdrinker - Has harassed and sent unsolicited nudes to nearly a dozen underage girls. Admitted to all actions after being called out.
  • babyferaligator/420dongsquad - Send unsolicited nudes to multiple underage girls. All receipts can be found here.
  • confusedtree - Was exposed for being highly manipulative. He has since deleted, and receipts and call outs are easily found if you search the tag “confusedtree”.
  • andythanfiction - Manipulates underage users, primarily in fandoms, into giving him money. There’s a blog dedicated to calling them out here
  • deathwingstolemyepicz - The blog at that URL now contains a post calling him out.
  • superpsyguy and crikeydave - Posts calling both users out can be found here.
  • pop-art-is-alive - Harassed and tried to solicit nudes from someone underage. Only one girl has came forward so far, here. Asks people to “model” for him over skype, so beware of that.
  • bitchier - Has harassed multiple children. Only one has come forward, link here
  • keyrodivas - coerces underage girls into sending him nudes. only one person has come forward, link here
  • 50sdad/yifflord - solicited nudes from underage people, attempted to force people to role play with him when they didn’t want to. Call out here. has deleted his blog, the url yifflord is now used by someone else
  • wolflegendg5 - has harassed multiple underage people, then uses emotional manipulation to guilt them into not cutting off contact. one has come forward, here
  • quirkyindieblog, formerly haveabeard - groomed and sexually abused a minor, one has come forward, here
  • yumyumthings - sends unsolicited nude photos, one has come forward here
  • colress - harasses and solicits nudes from underage individuals, one person has come forward, here

This list is currently very incomplete and lacks details. If you have up to date information or details on the specific behaviors of these people or you find the information on this list out of date, please message me. Also, if you have any receipts or would like to share your story, feel free to send an ask or submission. All submissions are kept anonymous unless we are explicitly told that the submitter is comfortable with their identity being known.

By making this list, the only thing that I am definitively saying is that these people have been named by someone to be abusive, and interacting with them is strongly discouraged.

This post is up to date as of 12:37 AM PST, 8/15/2014

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I was wondering, have you heard anything at all about the awful things that have recently been uncovered in Rotherham? Tumblr in general doesn't seem to have heard anything at all, which I find kind of strange considering it's on all the headline news here in the UK.
stfurapeculture stfurapeculture Said:

Nada. Link me?

feministingforchange:

Such a great explanation of the ways in which risk society and rape culture affect women and girls’ lives on a day-to-day basis!!

At the bottom of all the hacking and scolding and “innovating” is a pernicious indifference towards women’s freedom to participate in the same kinds of small daily pleasures our male peers take for granted. In the name of our safety and well-being, we’re supposed to forsake (or at least fret over) silly contemporary courtship rituals like sexting. We’re supposed to guard our bodies like a secret. We’re supposed to be on such high alert for sexual assault that we test every stupid drink that passes our lips. We’re never, ever supposed to relax.

When something as comfortingly frivolous as painting our nails becomes a reminder that we’re all just one unlucky Tinder right-swipe away from the emergency room, what psychic space do we even have left for fun? How do we escape from this 24/7 obsession with our own safety? This is how a culture that relies on women’s hypervigilance about their own bodies can make us crazy, shoehorning self-protection into every facet of our lives at the expense of the enjoyment and distraction these seemingly meaningless indulgences provide.

What IS risk society you ask?

"She shouldn’t have worn that short skirt or drank that night, she was totally asking for it!"

"You left your door unlocked, of COURSE someone robbed and raped you. It’s your own damn fault. Next time lock your door!"

"She took the naked pictures so it’s HER OWN FAULT they existed to be stolen!!"

Risk society (see Ulrich Beck’s “Risk Society”) is one in which individual people are held responsible for IDENTIFYING, MANAGING — and in the case of perceived danger, violence, and crime — individuals are held responsible for AVOIDING risks. Any citizen deemed to have failed to manage or avoid risks is responsible for whatever befalls them.

In a risk society, then, offenders are constructed as reasonable actors who only take the opportunities made possible by other people’s unreasonable, or even careless and/or stupid, risk management.

Risk society is future oriented, always preoccupied with managing the perceived potential dangers around the corner. Dangers that are not “real” or “material”. These dangers are only a perceived, imaginary, potential for the future.

This means that women are “responsible” for managing their actions, clothing, and how others perceive them in order to somehow reduce their perceived risks of being harmed. So, when a man rapes, beats up, or murders a woman, media and the law hyper-examine irrelevant shit like her appearance, sexual history, as well as her actions prior to the offence to decide the degree to which she is at fault and the offender was acting reasonably. Those women who the public and the law deem to have failed to keep themselves safe — like the women whose nude photos were stolen and leaked — are constructed as blameworthy on a sliding scale of melodrama and scandal.

North American/Western Culture IS Risk Society!

Risk society BLAMES victims and SUPPORTS offenders!

Fight Risk Society and end the bullshit!!

You can bet Palmer feels empathy and sympathy for Rice. She probably does love him. She more-than-likely hopes and believes he will change. He has probably promised to change many times. This is old hat. Women who have been in abusive relationships know exactly how it goes and how it feels. It’s not easy to believe that someone who claims to love you and who you feel love towards would hurt you. Of course we hope they will stop. Of course we want them to change and want to believe they will. Abusive men aren’t all abusive 24 hours a day. We hang on to the good moments — that’s why we stay.

Abuse is a mindfuck. We are made to feel dependent on our abusers. We feel embarrassed and ashamed at what we’ve been put through, what we’ve “put up with,” at the verbal and emotional abuse we’ve been subjected to. At the reality of our lives and the crazy, humiliating, inexplicable behaviour we’ve witnessed. How can you tell someone those things? Surely no one will understand… Our self-esteem deteriorates. We become isolated from our support systems. We feel we can’t ask for help because we’ve left and gone back so many times over and we know our friends and family are sick of it. We feel judged and we feel stupid and we feel weak. We are strong women and we know better. We feel like we can take it. We can cope. We compartmentalize — shutting the bad stuff out. We tell ourselves it isn’t so bad. We really, really want it to get better. He says he’ll go to counseling. He says he’ll stop drinking. He says if only we’d change our tone of voice or our body language or be gentler or kinder or more thoughtful… If only. We stop trusting ourselves. Is it our fault? Is this normal? Maybe I did provoke him…

Abuse isn’t as simple as you want it to be. It isn’t clear cut. It isn’t easy to leave. It isn’t easy to give up on someone we care about and have invested time and energy and emotion into. But no matter what Palmer does, no matter what she feels or says, it doesn’t make his actions ok. And it doesn’t mean she deserved it.

micdotcom:

This is a big win for anti-rape activists, many of whom have been touting the necessity of an “affirmative consent” standard for years. California Gov. Jerry Brown (D) has the next month to sign the bill into law. If he does, schools across the state would be required to define consent before engaging in sexual activity as an “affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement” or risk losing state financial aid funding.

(via asfadedasmyjeans)

disabledgirlism:

it’s pretty common for people discussing rape culture within feminist discourse to conveniently leave out disabled girls, but this is just a casual reminder that disabled women are far more likely to be sexually assaulted, abused or raped than able-bodied women. on top of that, 50% of deaf girls and 54% of deaf boys have been sexually abused or assaulted. so please stop leaving us out of your discussion about rape culture.

(via lightspeedsound)

sourcedumal:

jaclynxhyde:

makeupandchucks:

This is great.

this needs to be criminalized everywhere. and upskirting/creeper shots. 

GOOD!

(via asfadedasmyjeans)

I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although it is a kind of rape of the spirit - a dishonest portrayal or distortion of my own desire in order to appease another person.
I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it - deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. That is such a messed-up way to live, such an awful way to love.
So these days, I say yes only when I mean yes. It does require some vigilance on my part to make sure I don’t just go on sexual automatic pilot and let people do whatever. It forces me to be really honest with myself and others. It makes me remember that loving myself is also about protecting myself and defending my own borders. I say yes to me.
Margaret Cho, “Yes Means Yes”  (via myrisingvoice)

(via so-treu)