STFU, Rape Culture!

A word of warning: This blog discusses the various ways in which our culture excuses, normalizes, and sometimes condones rape, sexual assault, and other potentially graphic topics. Please be aware that posts may be upsetting or triggering.
Recent Tweets @STFURapeCulture
A woman who says “No thanks, I’ll sleep on the floor”; a woman who freezes up and tenses at your touch; a woman who says “I really don’t want to” and “We really shouldn’t” and “We can’t” and “Please at least wear a condom” is not saying yes to you, and if you would like to pretend that that is unclear, you are a liar, you are being disingenuous, you are lying and you know it.
Mallory Ortberg, "What counts?" (via dolorimeter)

(via asfadedasmyjeans)





We know why.

Don’t forget Charlie Sheen. He’s been arrested for domestic violence at least six times and shot a woman. With a gun. And he’s still got a career.

Sean Penn tied Madonna to a chair and beat her. Fuck him. Fuck all of them.

Michael Fassbender

Matthew Fox

John Lennon

Paul McCartney

Ringo too I’m pretty sure

Phil Spector, although he’s now in jail for killing a lady he beat on Ronnie Spector for years and still got into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Axl Rose

Vince Neil

Sean Penn

Charlie Sheen

Jim Morrison tried to set fire to his girlfriend

Stephen Segal

Tommy Lee

Ozzy Osbourne

Mickey Rourke

Bill Murray

Gary Busey

Tom Sizemore

Christian Slater

James Caan

Josh Brolin

Edward Furlong

I could go on.

The point isn’t that the men on the left don’t deserve everything bad they have coming to them.  The point is where the fuck is all the outrage when the men on the right do it.  So many of our pop culture heroes are abusers and nobody seems to care.

Like, even if we’re gonna stick to the NFL, Ben Roethlisberger patiently sat out his six game suspension for rape and continued on with his career with little outrage. 

If we’re really going to care now about ostracizing perpetrators of domestic violence, we got a lotta slack to pick up.

(via scififreak35)

No, I don’t hate men.

It would, however, be fair to say that I don’t easily trust them.

My mistrust is not, as one might expect, primarily a result of the violent acts done on my body, nor the vicious humiliations done to my dignity. It is, instead, born of the multitude of mundane betrayals that mark my every relationship with a man—the casual rape joke, the use of a female slur, the careless demonization of the feminine in everyday conversation, the accusations of overreaction, the eyerolling and exasperated sighs in response to polite requests to please not use misogynist epithets in my presence or to please use non-gendered language (“humankind”)…

These things, they are not the habits of deliberately, connivingly cruel men. They are, in fact, the habits of the men in this world I love quite a lot.

All of whom have given me reason to mistrust them, to use my distrust as a self-protection mechanism, as an essential tool to get through every day, because I never know when I might next get knocked off-kilter with something that puts me in the position, once again, of choosing between my dignity and the serenity of our relationship.

Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?

It can come out of nowhere, and usually does. Which leaves me mistrustful by both necessity and design. Not fearful; just resigned—and on my guard. More vulnerability than that allows for the possibility of wounds that do not heal. Wounds to our relationship, the sort of irreparable damage that leaves one unable to look in the eye someone that you loved once upon a time.

This, then, is the terrible bargain we have regretfully struck: Men are allowed the easy comfort of their unexamined privilege, but my regard will always be shot through with a steely, anxious bolt of caution.

The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck

This was written 5 years ago and I still come back to read it a couple of times of year. I have yet to read anything else that does a better job of describing the complicated feelings I have about the men in my life — friends, family, lovers, partners, colleagues, mentors, and so on, all of whom i love and respect, and all of whom have hurt me in the manner described above.

(via veruca-assault)

(via asfadedasmyjeans)

Anon said:

I’m the anon that was raped by an acquaintance four years ago. Just recently I was on Facebook, and checked my “other” message folder and found that 2 years ago my rapist messaged me. He said “hey you’ve had me blocked forever lol what’s the deal?” I am shocked that anyone could have that much casual disconnect after violently raping someone, and I have no idea how to respond or if I even should. Is it common for rapists to act like this?

That must have been horrifying. I’m not totally sure, but I would be willing to bet this happens not too uncommonly. There are a lot of rapists who literally don’t think they did anything wrong, because we trot out one type of rape as THE definition and everything else is the victim’s fault. Anyone else have these kind of experiences?


my ancestral grandmother was kidnapped and raped by a white man at the age of 13. she was kept in an “Indian pen” and one of her children was murdered by this man. that story has haunted my family for generations and we have still not come to terms with being descendants of that horrific violence. 

i am a Native woman survivor of domestic violence and rape. i can’t even tell you how many times i’ve been raped because i don’t know; i have been drugged and date raped multiple different times by multiple different men. two of those men called me Pocahontas (even though i look nothing like the Disney character!), and told me they couldn’t wait to fuck me because they thought all Indians are dead, and since we’re dying out I’m probably the last opportunity they’ll get.

i work for a Native woman’s organization that fights violence against Native women by advocating for policy changes, pushing for community dialogue on healthy relationships & violence, & supporting survivors of violence and tribal programs that provide support. i have heard & read stories, both at work and in my personal life, that made me puke. the realities of violence against Native women are so dark, sometimes to cope i have to set aside a few hours for prayer. i sit and cry and pray and cry and pray until i fall asleep exhausted. i carry each story and each photo and each girl and woman with me everywhere i go and in all the work i do. i don’t get to leave my work life at work, and i don’t want to; my work and my community and my personal life and my heart are all in the same place.

this is all to say that i am deeply invested in dialogue on violence against Native women. as a Cheyenne, i am from a culture that is often appropriated from (hipster headdresses being the most common example); that said, it still pains and disturbs me to see people casually throw out statistics on the violence that i & so many of our Native sisters have experienced in defense of the sanctity of a headdress, when so few are defending the sanctity of Native women. the 1 in 3 stat doesn’t even come close to doing justice to the realities of violence against Native women, and reciting it doesn’t do anything to support the women that make it up or end the patterns of violence set in place.

where are the NCAI commercials on the lack of justice for indigenous women? where are the trending hashtags that fight for a world in which Native women are treated with dignity and respect? where are the hordes of people in the streets demanding that the government address the widespread trafficking of Native women, create a comprehensive database of missing & murdered indigenous women, or actually pass a VAWA amendment that would grant tribes jurisdiction over ALL cases of violence against our women, and not just those in which the victim can prove it was intimate partner violence? true warriors are those who fight with their people in their hearts, who first and foremost defend the most endangered of their community—the Indian Wars of the 19th century started with the rape and murder of several Lakota women, and even when the Lakota had decided to stop fighting, they rejoined after they heard of the gendered violence at the Sand Creek massacre. don’t forget that! fighting for our nations has always been fighting for the honor and safety of our women, so step up and be a real warrior already.

(via curate)

There is nothing particularly militant or radical about the idea that adults should not be able to have sex with people under the age of consent.

There should be nothing radical about the concept of protecting kids and young teens from predators, or supporting them when they have the courage to talk about what a predator has done to them.

And if you are so invested in the belief that young teens are free agents in total control of sex with adults that you need to tell strangers on the internet about it, I am going to assume you’re probably a rapist.

Thought I’d post this separately because it’s an important article. TW: for descriptions of transphobia, assault, sexual assault.


I don’t understand your tumblr name, but I am intrigued.





trans “women” have gained so much traction/such a subordinate following among libfems because they are men who are used to getting their way, and that’s the way they act around women

this seems glaringly obvious to me

This is NOT obvious. Trans women ARE women. Why, you ask??? Because they say so and I believe them. 

Stop making enemies of allies and concentrate on REAL problems like patriarchy and rape culture!

I don’t want allies that use their penises to rape females as frequently as “cis” males do

Trans women ARE allies, I don’t care how many links you can find. This is because women rape other women. Women rape men. YES men rape women wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more often than women rape other women or men, but we cannot make that the defining factor of which genders to support and which not to, or clearly, we won’t be able to support anyone at all. 

Cringing at the use of ‘allies’ here. Allies to me implies other than us, and trans women are not other than us. They are us.

As for the rest of this horrible thread, while I know that arguing with a transphobe like this is relatively pointless… I don’t see a single shred of evidence in that article to suggest that trans women rape other women with the frequency of cis men. The article discusses violent crime, of which sexual offenses were one of several mentioned, and it does not break it down further than that. There’s also the fact that trans women, particularly trans women of color, are often arrested and convicted on ridiculous charges, and/or self defense. Once jailed, trans women are often abused and/or raped.

Plus, you know, trans women face disproportionately high rates of physical assault and sexual assault and trans people have severely decreased life expectancies, but please tell us more about how you care about rape survivors and you’re really just concerned about that.





the Lakota woman who was raped as an inmate at Fall River corrections facility (South Dakota) is testifying against the white male guard that raped her today; please send prayers of support and love her way, as what she is about to do can be traumatizing and promises to be emotionally challenging.

Any updates?

he was just acquitted

Fuck the police

(via feministingforchange)

One of the most radical things you can do is to actually believe women when they talk about their experiences.
You know what else it costs to write about and talk about consent? I’m going to be super real with y’all. It has cost me the vast majority of my relationships with men. Not all at once, but eventually, over time, one by one. It was one sexist joke too many, it was one boundary-crossing-creep-defender over the line. It was the constant microaggressions or the combination of being privileged and defensive about it and unable or unwilling to do any better. Most grew weary of arguing about feminist issues, or about the fact that I wouldn’t let them just win those arguments, even though they usually had no idea what they were talking about. They couldn’t deal with the fact that I won’t allow anyone to say disparaging shit to and about me and mine. Or they won’t or can’t do better after I explain how to do better many many times and finally I have to peace out on them for my own safety. I have at present a tiny handful of guy friends. One I get into arguments with nearly every time we talk. I fear that relationship may go the way of most of my past relationships with subtly sexist men—away, that is to say. Which is really too fucking bad. Because the truth is, I don’t hate men—I hate male privilege. I really like men, shit, I love them actually, some of them. I miss having men friends, but not enough to let the mild misogyny slide. I have got to take care of me and mine. That’s where we clash, because I refuse to just smooth things over, to just let things go. They’re accustomed to deference and I’ve taught myself to drop that habit as best I can.


We need to spread awareness on this one so please reblog and feel free to add more helpful information to this post.

Thank you to the reader who sent me this info. This is truly horrifying. Please be careful when checking these links. Trigger warning for rape, child abuse, rape culture, etc.





Omar Khadr, a sixteen year old Guantanamo Bay detainee weeps uncontrollably, clutching at his face and hair as he calls out for his mother to save him from his torment. “Ya Ummi, Ya Ummi (Oh Mother, Oh Mother),” he wails repeatedly, hauntingly with each breath he takes.

The surveillance tapes, released by Khadr’s defence, show him left alone in an interrogation room for a “break” after he tried complaining to CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) officers about his poor health due to insufficient medical attention. Ignoring his complaints and trying to get him to make false confessions, the officers get frustrated with the sixteen year old’s tears and tell him to get himself together by the time they come back from their break.

“You don’t care about me. Nobody cares about me,” he sobs to them.

The tapes show how the officers manipulated Khadr into thinking that they were helping him because they were also Canadian and how they taunted him with the prospect of home (Canada), (good) food, and familial reunion.

Khadr, a Canadian, was taken into US custody at the age of fifteen, tortured and refused medical attention because he wouldn’t attest to being a member of Al Qaeda, even though he was shot three times in the chest and had shrapnel embedded in his eyes and right shoulder. As a result, Khadr’s left eye is now permanently blind, the vision in his right eye is deteriorating, he develops severe pain in his right shoulder when the temperature drops, and he suffers from extreme nightmares.

He has been incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay since 2002, suffering extremely harsh interrogations and torture (methods), and is now 25 years old.

27 now, and still imprisoned

i’m in complete shock. i’m so nauseous right now. how is this possible? i don’t know what to do w/ this information. i share it because i can’t imagine that anyone else knows about this. the boy has been incarcerated, tortured, and basically maimed allll w/out a trial. my heart hurts :/


Omar is no longer in Guantanamo. Left without options, he pled guilty to war crimes so that he’d be given an eight year sentence and be able to transfer to a prison in Canada. He remains in prison there. His story is absolutely heartbreaking. This was a 15 year old boy who has been described as crying out for his mother, who slept holding a Mickey Mouse book one of his captors gave him. A teenager taken from his family, tortured, humiliated, threatened with rape, and falsely imprisoned for 12 years now. You can help Omar by writing to him, donating for his defense, and signing petitions for him. Please visit to learn more.

(via feministingforchange)


Steubenville teen convicted of rape rejoins high school football team

Goddamnit. I know everyone’s eyes are on Ferguson, MO right now, as are mine, but let’s not allow this news to pass by without voicing and sharing our fury.  This is sick, inappropriate, and appalling.  The football coach, athletic director, the principal—anyone who had anything to do with rewarding a (convicted) rapist by allowing him to rejoin high school athletics (a privilege, not a right) needs to be fired immediately.