Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go.
Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.
4.5% of the men in the United States is an incredibly high number – that translates into over six million men.
If you added up every US citizen who was officially unemployed or looking for work in 2001, that would be less than the total number of rapists.
If you added up every US citizen who is Jewish, that would still be less than the total number of rapists.
If you added up every teenage boy who had any sort of job – an afterschool job, a summer job, working full-time after dropping out, including all of those – you’d still have over a million fewer people then the total number of rapists.
There are twice as many rapists in the USA as there are single mothers.
For every drunk driver who is in a fatal accident this year, there are over 500 rapists.
If you take every doctor and nurse in the United States; and you added them to every librarian, every cashier, every cop, every postal clerk, and every bank teller in the whole country; you still wouldn’t have as many people as the number of rapists in the United States.
(Think of that a second – think of how often, in your daily life, you’ve seen cops and cashiers and all those other folks. Odds are, you’ve run into rapists more often than that).
To paraphrase Tim Wise: In short, “only” 4.5% of the male population is a lot of people, so that even by the most optimistic assessment of how many men are rapists, there are literally millions out there who not only would but have raped a woman. When combined with those who are less vicious – those who haven’t raped, but would be willing to in the right circumstances, and those who would make excuses for why other men rape, it becomes clear just how real a widespread a problem rape and rape-supportive attitudes are among men today.
I don’t think I know of any, but I know we do have a lot of followers who offer to talk individually. Followers, can anyone suggest a blog, or help this person?
I can’t tell if it was rape or my own fault for being so drunk. I’d slept with a security guard at the campsite a week before. The last day the beer halls where open I drank too much and passed out. My boss took a taxi home with me then as he wanted to go back left me with the security guards who said they’d look after me. I don’t remember much of the walk to my tent, just falling over. The next thing I remember is one leering over me and doing me while the other watched, then they swapped over.
That is definitely rape, and it is not your fault. It’s not clear to me from your message whether you previously had consensual sex with one of these men, but if you did, that still does not invalidate the fact that this was rape. You were intoxicated so you legally could not have consented, even if you had wanted to.
Hey. I just wanted to ask a question based on something which has happened to me. Would you consider this rape? I told my (now ex) boyfriend I didn’t want to have sex with him multiple times, but he continued touching me etc, and i always gave in because I know he has holds on me, for example, he has stuff he can blackmail me with/and gets violent. I’ve never enjoyed this and it’s happened maybe 3 times. I’m confused on what to think about it? Is that rape? I feel like it’s my fault.
Yes, that’s rape. If you do not want to consent, but the other person refuses to accept that, and they either keep hounding you until you stop saying no, or they blackmail/hurt/coerce you, that’s rape. It was not your fault. You made it clear you did not want to have sex, and he did not stop. He was also abusive in that he was violent and manipulative. I’m very glad this person is now your ex.
Yes, it allows you to put in a fake email.
Followers, suggestions for this person? :)
That is fantastic, and I’m so happy it worked out well for you. I don’t know if I would say ‘never be afraid,’ because a lot of people do have negative experiences with reporting. But it’s good to hear a positive one!